My son.. As another year passes us by, I could still just imagine what you would be if you were still here. All the missed celebrations of your birthday hurt just as much today as they did since you first left. It doesn’t seem to get any easier with time. I’m supposed to learn to live without you but I keep failing at that. I can never adjust to life without you. But for now I’ll save all the celebrations for the day when I get to see your face once again! Save a place for me son. Happy birthday I love you and I miss you even more!! Love mom.

When you were here with us. I cherished all the moments we shared. You and your brother were always so silly. I started recording you both with my video camera. I had a few videos of you while you took a bath and splashed so happily. I remember finding you, your brother and your cousin junior had thrown spaghetti noodles in the air and the room was covered with sauce and noodles. I grabbed the camera and began to record. Yes I was upset but it was just too funny to all three of you that I wanted to capture the moment. Well those tapes were stolen from our home. I couldn’t believe someone would steal such priceless moments. After you passed I begged God to please let those videos re appear. Till this day. It kills me because I don’t ever want to forget you. I want the world to know you. So I bought a new video camera and i started recording your brothers. Little moments that to most would probably be irrelevant and mean nothing. To me were special and as time went by i found that they became my strength. When i felt down i would turn to my videos, pop one in our dinosaur VCR and enjoy. Again these videos were my life. Today I regretfully confess to you that I lost those videos, they forever gone. And I can literally feel my heart break more and more as the days go on. How could I have lost my treasures. My strength, my memories. They are gone and I feel I will soon also me gone. I can’t even imagine living too much longer without my videos. I was careless and irresponsible. I was supposed to be careful with the videos and save them until the end of my time. Well maybe my time is ending soon. Maybe that’s the first clue to my end. I hope so. Because I can’t live anymore without you. Without my videos my memories will fade away just as my life will. Love you and I know we will be together soon. Twenty one years without I never imagined I see. It seems like just yesterday I held you in my arms and you squeezed me so tight. Save me a place son. I will be there soon.

I miss you. Everyday I can only imagine what and who you would be if you were here today..